The history of crochet… According to Adam Gonk
Before the dawn of humanity, when the world was young, a Gonk wandered alone upon the dust.
From the future, and from an alien world, he had no way to ‘fit in’. He also had not another soul to ‘fit in’ with.
And so he spent many cold nights, gazing up at the dark sky, pondering, ‘why am I here?’.
The long night drifted into a long day, and thus his time was spent.
Two years elapsed and he still had no answer. He abandoned all hope of conclusion. He had an itch, which he thought better to prioritise.
Renewed, by thought of a solution, he began work on this more immediate dilemma.
THE HISTORY OF CROCHET – Could have happened
He worked with the materials which the land had provided. A mound, made of twigs, soon formed from his discarded attempts.
Finally, he had done it, he had made his tool. It was robust, with a smooth finish. He had developed it for the specific purpose of scratching a hard to reach spot on his back.
Each day, when the Gonk so desired, he scratched his back.
Five years unfolded, and he knew more than before. He knew the sun rose, to set. He knew the wind blew from the corners of the earth. He knew the fruit was best when allowed to ripen.
Then one day, after a good scratch, he hid his tool under a rock.
He saw the clouds threaten in the distance and hastened to foliage for cover. He waited for the rains to abate, but they did not. The rains turned to snow, and the land was cold. The Gonk managed to make it to a cave with a fist full of berries.
After his meal he became drowsy, and so he slept in the cave.
Unbeknownst to him, he was caught in a flash ice-age. As he drew in breath for a loud snore, he froze.
THE HISTORY OF CROCHET – Probably…
The world was static, and the only thing that changed was the measure of time.One day, on the second Tuesday of May, Aleida walked through a meadow. The daughter of a poor farmer, her dreams were greater than her means.
Aleida was an avid knitter and had planned to knit a messy bun beanie hat that day. She stopped and sat in her favourite spot, where she could see the wild flowers in the valley. She ran her hands through the grass and hit a rock. Aleida lifted the rock and there it was, the Gonk’s tool.
For a moment she paused, aware that something significant had occurred, but unable to pinpoint just what it was.
She repeated the action and smiled. Aleida declared, “I am knotting this yarn!”. Overtime, she learnt to hold the WIP in place with her fingers and discarded the knitting needles.
They asked, “what is that tool you use to make them?”.
“Is it magic?”, one child enquired.
Aledia had not a prepared answer, and so said “I call it a hook, ’cause it looks like one”.
“Aahhh, A hook!” shouted one.
Another said, “Haken”.
One whispered to himself, “Krog”.
A group among the crowd turned to each other and shouted “Fukku!”.
A lady standing at the back smiled and muttered “Croch”.
A young man over heard this word and shouted out “Crochet, it’s Crochet!”.
Häkeln, hækling, Kagibari ami, Crochet they shouted
“häkeln”, “hækling”, “Kagibari ami”, “Crochet” they all began to shout. Aledia was taken aback by the energetic reaction of the crowd. She continued to put out her wares as the crowd sang an impromptu song, “Crochet, Crochet, we love you, Crochet!”.
“Guess, it’s called crochet”, said Aledia.
Aledia was commissioned to create crocheted pieces for the wise and the great.
She was known across the lands.
The Gonk, thanks to his odd biology, hibernated throughout the ice-age. He later thawed out and went on to be a great actor.
Edit: This is not the history of crochet. Adam Gonk has created a work of fiction (which in turn is a work of fiction).
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